After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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