Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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