Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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