i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
