she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
