Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
