Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
