just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
