I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
