I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
