Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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