Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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