I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
