so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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