I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
nutella sex= disaster
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Come on in and take your pants off
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