There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
