your thong is hanging out like whoa
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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