Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
