Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
