Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
