My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
