Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
