beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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