11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
