I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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