and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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