I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
