he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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