I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
