just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
