i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
