I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
