Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
