When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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