i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
