Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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