i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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