You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
