I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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