Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
