What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
