i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
