I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
