What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
