Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
