Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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