We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Randomize
