I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
