glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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