I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
