His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
