it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
