just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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