And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
