he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
