I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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