Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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