I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
