Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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